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In the past 2 weeks I’ve seen this raccoon in the back garden twice now, both times very late at night. One time he was walking on top of the back fence, which I found very impressive since this raccoon is a heifer trapped in a striped fur body. He’s the biggest raccoon I’ve ever seen in real life or on film, tv, or the internet. I actually just spent some serious time researching pictures and video of raccoons on the internet because I think we’ve found the Sasquatch, Giant Squid and 250 year old, 500 pound catfish of raccoons.

The night he was climbing on my back fence was funny because I had just come home and I went to the back porch to water the plants. When I got back there I locked eyes with him and he went into frozen mode. He had nowhere to go and I’m sure he was using all of his fatty raccoon energy just to balance up there. I don’t think raccoons are particularly known for being nimble and there’s no way this huge bundle of fun is making any cat-like moves. Someone has got to be feeding him dinner scraps and then sending him out into the night. That or I should call National Geographic and let them know about this modern marvel.

The raccoon has caused a touch of strife in the house as I think they’re actually cool little (not in this case, doggies) animals. E thinks otherwise and would rather get her face painted with a 3 day old piece of cod rather than face the raccoon, even from the safety of the back porch. Until I can get my own picture of him as evidence, watch this raccoon fight and imagine if these 2 raccoons could morph into each other, and then add a third and you would be at about half the size of the burglar-eyed food bandit that traipses through my garden every now and then.

April 2019
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