One of the most unique components of everyday life in Northern California is the truck culture. There are a fair share of Bentleys, BMWs, Land Rovers and the like but if you really want to show dominance on the road and that you could give a damn about gas prices and not treating the road like a monster truck rally course then there is but one choice here: pickup, minimum V8, preferred turbo diesel engine, anything that gets over 10 miles a gallon and you are a big swollen loser with no backbone. And don’t think that it ends with just buying this $50,000 vehicle. Once you’ve purchased your brand new 2008 Ford F350 you must then raise the chassis a good 10-12 inches, put on some gargantuan tires that could swallow a tube steak in the tread that run about $500 a piece to ensure that without pole vaulting equipment or a jet pack, you’re not getting in that truck.

Total cost on one of these bad boys all told is $70,000, about the same as a high end Mercedes. However, it’s clearly not the private equity managers driving these land whales around. You are establishing that you are RICH no doubt, but you are not one of these nancy-men that makes your money with your fancy calculator or pda. You are a contractor, plumber, house framer, concrete specialist, mason, or The Grave Digger when he’s not at work.

There are all kinds of extensive after market accessories one can purchase to make their rig wiggle, their diesel slut strut a little tougher, but nothing is more for the literalist than Nuts for Trucks . This decoration is exactly what it seems, a steel sculpture of a scrotum with two beefy man-balls all wrapped up and hanging low like you got a cold, right off the back of your big beauty.


Oh, and don’t worry y’alls, they come in every color the mind can imagine, there’s a rainbow of colors one can dangle and jangle when they’re dropping their kids off at the dance or going to service on Sunday.